I was invited to be a guest on BlogTalkRadio’s #1 relationships show and found out the slated topic is how can some women overcome their “prudish good girl” social conditioning in order to reveal their more erotically uninhibited side for their spouse or romantic partner.
Of course a man wrote this was my first thought. I totally agree that all women should be empowered to be as uninhibited and sexually free as we want to be. But first for ourselves!
I’m sure seeing I created and wrote the Frisky Friday column for a women’s magazine and that I currently teach workshops that discuss sex had me pegged the perfect person to discuss this. And I am totally up for it.
But before I could write or talk about overcoming the socialization that tells us sex is not something to discuss or men are more sexual than women, I had to get over it myself. I come from generations of women raised southern and baptist, who did not talk about sex. My mother and her two sisters never even heard there mother use the word. If she had to reference it she said seg instead.
Yet, two generations later there I was sitting at my desk in New York receiving erotic toys, sex games and books full of tips to share with women. I felt my liberation to finding my sensual self wasn’t just for me, but for them as well.
For black women, finding our sexuality has been even more complicated by trying to simultaneously run from the extreme stereotypes constantly thrown at us. We’re either buttoned-up, prudish, church-fanatics or oversexed seductresses. Can’t we just be brunch-after-church ladies who like to spoon (or from the back or however else we please!)?
Whether it’s getting new lingerie that makes us feel sexy, taking a pole dancing class (which are harder than they look!), or taking a tour of our own bodies to discover what we like, embracing our sexual sides isn’t about being “naughty” but feeling complete and comfortable in our own skin.
Let us know, from 1 to 10, how sensual are you?